Helping Children Conquer Night-Time Fears (Without Cry-It-Out)
By Dr Amanda Gamble, Clinical Psychologist & Sleep Specialist
When I was little, I was terrified of the dark.
I can still remember lying in bed, frozen, trying to decide what was worse:
staying curled under the covers with my imagination running wild…
or making the long sprint down the dark hallway to sleep on my parents’ bedroom floor — knowing exactly how annoyed they would be.
Those moments shaped me.
They’re one of the reasons I do the work I do today.
Because now, as a sleep psychologist, I know something important:
Children’s night-time fears are real. They’re common. And they are absolutely treatable.
We no longer have to rely on “wait until they grow out of it” or outdated, distressing “cry it out” approaches.
The field has moved forward.
And so can we.
⭐ Why Night-Time Fears Happen (And Why They’re Not “Bad Behaviour”)
Let’s start with this:
A child who calls out, stalls, runs down the hallway, or refuses to sleep alone is not “being naughty.”
Night-time can trigger:
separation anxiety
fear of imagined threats
hypervigilance
difficulty switching off
sensory sensitivity
previous stressful experiences
an overactive imagination (especially ages 5–10)
Their nervous system becomes alert and protective — even long after lights are out.
It’s not misbehaviour. It’s fear.
And fear needs support, not consequences.
⭐ We Know Better Now — And We Can Do Better
For many years, families were told:
“Ignore them — they’ll stop.”
“It’s just a phase — they’ll grow out of it.”
“Don’t reinforce bad habits.”
“Let them cry it out — it’s the only way.”
These messages were not only misguided — they often made things worse.
Today, we have better tools, better science, and better outcomes.
Modern sleep psychology gives us gentle, evidence-based approaches that help children build:
self-settling skills
bravery and confidence at bedtime
coping strategies for fear
a calmer, more predictable wind-down routine
the ability to sleep on their own, without distress
And importantly — we can achieve this without leaving children to cry alone in the dark.
⭐ How CBT-I Helps Kids Sleep Bravely and Calmly
CBT-I (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Insomnia) isn’t just for adults.
It can be adapted beautifully for school-aged children — especially those who struggle with fear, separation anxiety, or difficulty switching off at night.
Here’s how it helps:
✔ 1. Understanding the fear (and shrinking it)
Kids learn what their fear is doing, why it feels so big, and how to tell when their “alarm system” is giving them a false alert.
✔ 2. Bravery skills and bedtime confidence
We teach children step-by-step how to become braver at night — starting with tiny, achievable wins that build momentum.
✔ 3. Graded exposure (“sleep step ladders”)
Instead of throwing them straight into sleeping alone, we use gentle, predictable steps that help them feel safe and successful.
✔ 4. Cognitive strategies for big imaginations
We teach kids how to unhook from scary thoughts, redirect their attention, and use healthy mental habits at night.
✔ 5. Self-settling skills — without distress
Children learn how to fall asleep on their own in a calm, supported way — not by being left alone to cry.
✔ 6. Parent coaching
You learn exactly what to do, when to step in, and how to support your child without reinforcing fear.
This is modern sleep therapy — compassionate, structured, and effective.
⭐ What Better Sleep Looks Like
Within weeks, parents often report:
their child falling asleep faster
fewer calls, visits, or tears
greater confidence being alone in their room
calmer evenings
reduced anxiety during the day
fewer battles and more connection
children proudly saying, “I can do it!”
These skills last.
Children carry them into later childhood, adolescence, and beyond.
⭐ You Don’t Have to Wait for Them to “Grow Out of It”
Many kids won’t.
They grow into more anxious sleepers, not fewer — unless we help them retrain their mind and nervous system.
With the right tools, night-time fear becomes one of the most treatable sleep problems in childhood.
And children deserve to fall asleep feeling safe, proud, and capable — not scared and alone.
⭐ If your child is struggling with night-time fears… support is available
I work with families across Australia through secure telehealth to help children:
overcome fear
sleep independently
build self-settling skills
and feel calm and confident at night
